Facebook Diaries (4/16-17/2024) Hard Times / Public Cynicism/ Survival / Capitalizing on the Poor / Sobriety

When your going through a really hard time and finally something put your life to a halt... You think about all the delusional methods of survival you created in your imagination... Like God, visions, conspiracy theories, divine intervention, etc... Which you believed was true... But once reality kicks in do you tell yourself was I fucking crazy or what...???

At this point I'm more confused then ever... What I used to be seems less valuable to the present times... I'm reaching for something higher then people can understand... I was hurt for my ideals, and hurt people who I see as a threat... Now I don't even know myself...

I'm up and down about what to do... Sink into mediocrity or reach high and be lonelier than ever... I keep hanging on to my older self...

I was content right before the pandemic... But thereafter it was a rollercoaster ride that slowly changed me into someone I don't even know.... The trouble with change is we hang on to our old selves and issues for comfort but we slowly let go to move ahead...

I'm actually sad now after all I've been through these last four years.... I have to leave people behind to survive....

The trouble w/ some people is they have no focus, they stand around looking for trouble because they have nothing to do... They scope out hardworking people to dig dirt and to find fault... And they'll embellish and lie to get the job done... But they always fail and end up in jail, because when good people evade them they fall into their own trap...

Everytime I get broke I hit a snag then a wave of stress, then my bank slaps me with overdraft fees, when my subscriptions hit my bank... It's like being raped because your poor... Then I suffer from nervous exhaustion...

Do I want to work again, sort of yes... But everytime I think of getting a job I want to jump out the window and run down the street and start screaming... I lost patience with menial work, and even relationships... It seemed everyone went crazy while I tried to hold it together... I'm taking the Bukowski route... Stay home be broke, drink your money, and write all day...

For some reason I can't drink coffee at home anymore... Unless I go out for coffee... Which is rare occasion..

Unfortunately Businesses and Governments capitalizing on useless products like delta-9 Gummies, Goth apparel you'll never get to wear in public, alcohol substitutes, and even Coffee substitutes... Don't work anyways... There just conjuring up something new to try, to waste your money and your time... And it's all garbage and really fucking expensive... While they taint street drugs with deadly chemicals... and fentanyl...

The Gummy thing isn't working, it's a scam... You'd be better off buying Haribo Gummy Bears, and use them as a placebo... CBD products suck too...

I like Tattoos don't get me wrong, but they're overpricing the work by Greedy Artists and Rich Business Owners... Run by Trendy Rich people who are starting trends just to make money off the less fortunate...

If I ever start doing tattoos I won't be Greedy... Greed ruins everything, like Lust ruins Relationships... This country used to be more virtuous... But now Capitalism is run by the Seven Deadly Sins... Greed, Lust, Vanity, and Godlessness... Are the biggest ones... Selling useless products, by lying and bleeding the poor...

All those Hot Tattooed women are owned by Rich well to do Men, and are being sexploited to funnel extra money into their accounts... Don't worry I'm aware of it...

Why does Zuck's team remove stupid content, but he promotes sexploitation on everyone's feed... Hmmm??? Makes you think...

Well after thinking about it for a while... I think people need a scapegoat because they're unhappy.... I'm a very accomplished person, but people don't appreciate my achievements and attack me.... Ever since the pandemic I was ganged up on... By everybody.... Even people I tried to help... Everytime I tried to help someone they turned on me.... I once read about a Buddhist monk who tried to help a homeless person, and the homeless guy stabbed the monk to death.... Same shit.... Bill Cosby criticized the black community for being cynical because he said they make bad choices.... Now they want his head on a platter... We just live in a period of darkness and hate...

It's the rich who use cynicism as an excuse to beat down the working poor... Including poor artists....who become something more than they have... The Rich organize... and they use that power to alienate the accomplished poor because the accomplished poor now how to change a corrupt system... And the rich don't want it changed... Because if their corrupt organizations were reformed they would be exposed and probably lose a lot more then they bargained for... In the Bible it states that if the rich capitalize on the poor and unfortunate, that in the end they will become poor themselves... But now the system wants to change that virdict by manipulating the public, and using the internet to lie about ones success.... But they're only digging a deeper hole for themselves and this country... Alot of working poor were cheated of their win... Van Gogh was said to have been murdered right before he was about to become well known and famous, he was teatering on success...

Just because I dress nice doesn't mean I'm rich, my snazzy blue overcoat cost $25 and it came from China... Things cost less over seas, even in India... I have a nice apartment because I manage my finances carefully...but that's coming to a halt because of inflation, gas prices, the cost of living, coffee is overpriced, and the rich are kicking the poor out of the public... And I live in a ghetto with no support... 

Ever since I've been struggling, my family have been crying poor mouth, when I know they have money... And my Father was using business's to cheat me...

The locals in my town, Black, or Mexican, are well off financially, yet they pose as the poor and unfortunate while trying to convince the public I'm the rich guy in town, when they know full well I'm falling several points below the poverty line... I'm actually in the negative every month, yet they won't drop the act... And they all have jobs, but won't give me one... Pretty sneaky...

"Don't dress in those rags for me, I know that you're not poor..." ---Leonard Cohen