Friday, May 18, 2018

"Autobiography of a Vampire" (an excerpt, by Michael D'Orazio, circa 2017)


Introduction and Commentary...

It is a very dark night as I travel up the road in my Chevy Aveo, a car that is slightly artsy in design. I realize that I am privileged in this day in age, as I drive into a town where men can't afford a car of their own. Young men litter the streets, smoking cigarettes, asking for single dollar bills, acting as if they are extremely poor. If they are, I don't really know. I am not aware of their situation. They are great actors, trying to squeeze the life, and money out of unsuspecting visitors in town. When they ask, I do not react, I am stone cold, for I am strong in my will, and I have no life energy of my own to sustain others. I feed off their innuendos, and their gestures, and it keeps me alive, for their negative energy fuels my own actions. I am negativity in its whole. I've been in this negative state since I was a young boy: For I was always a loner, and never had friends of my own to feed off of, and become a whole person. If I did, I destroyed what friendship we had. Since I have nothing of my own, I take from others, and when there is nothing left, either they are discarded, or they flee, far away from once we were.
I am darkness, and I really don't know why. I asked God, why am I different from those people who worship the sun, when I myself am a child of the moon. I am polar opposites from those people who have snubbed me and rejected me for what ever reason. I wait on those who find something interesting about me, and bring them in my life. I do my work, and I wonder what this is all about. For my relationships are never constant. They never last beyond a small time frame. For what I give them is knowledge, and money, I give them love, and affection, but what I take from them, is everything that a child is, youth and beauty. I take their security, and their confidence, and I pick on things that they are sensitive the most. I take their energy. I absorb it. It lasts for quite a while, until it is snuffed out by other entities who have a vacuum for a soul. In my world, ghouls, witches, phantoms, shadows, vampires, all exist. I live in a very dark world. To some I am strange, I am a mystery. I lurk about in crowds of people, and in the shadows. No one knows I even exist. I could jump out on the middle of the sidewalk, and do a dance and no one would notice me. I do not exist in their world. I am a fully independent entity, roaming the earth in search of another to share, and feed off of. This gives me knowledge, power, imagination, and the most valuable of commodities, youth. I suck the life out of most situations. I can't help it. It is who I am. I will not tell you fully who I am in words, for even I am not sure how to put it all. I am a phantom. I don't exist.
What I want in this world is to come to some realization about what my real purpose in life is. I feel as though I am just a social parasite feeding off the life of others. Is their good in all of this?? I do not know. For under God we are all his creatures. We have a purpose in life, even though humanity picks and chooses what is positive, and good, and what is evil. A snake for instance, is a symbol of Satan in the bible, a personification of evil, but in nature, just a creature, like everything else. It has its own nature to survive, and its own purpose to live. Just as I. But since I am near poverty on a financial level, independently that is, I cannot run and travel to other places without some financial stability. The modern world is snuffing out entities such as myself. They got smart, and know how to eliminate, dark, and negative personalities from society. Call us mentally ill, call us what you like, it won't stop the darkness from rising in the world. You can suppress the nature of man, and animal. Try to make a lion your friend, but you never know when the nature of the animal will strike when you least expect it. The nature of man is eradicating a specific breed of individual. To take their power and energy away, and manipulate them, until they fall like the sun, on a sunset, and that’s when darkness begins. And this is how it all happens. I was vampirized at a young age, by other kids of whom I grew up with, by my family, by people in the school systems, and those in the mental clinics. They took my life force away from me, the good, the power, and the beauty of youth, although I do not age like other people. I am sustained by the emptiness, and the ever growing possibility that there is something beyond all of this. Is it Death?? or am I already dead?? That is the question. I roam, and I roam for that life force I need to take. It enrages me to see others who thrive, and live lives full of love, and they are happy. But I dare say that it is a controversy for me to actually admit, that happiness, makes you age quicker, because you are content, and full of the cup of life, that God gave you, but when you live your life in the sun, the oxidation of your organic matter breaks down your body, from a scientific stand point. Those who are happy suffer from unexpected tragedies, all the time. But me being a negative entity, A dark God smiles on me. I live outside the world of Karma. I wish evil on those who wish me harm, and have neglected me in the past. Since I can remember when I was a little boy, my aunt who used to do things like humiliate me in front of my other family members during gatherings. I remember this clearly, and even though she is in her later years, and in her decline, she still weaves her web of mischief within the family. She is a witch of sorts. I cannot wait until she is 6 feet underground, and not just her. I want the world to change fully, and completely. I want the whole world to collapse, die out, and totally change. I want to start this world over, so I can begin again. Destruction has a purpose. It is a renewal. This life of man has gotten older, and totally absurd. We don't remember the old ways, the life of the spirit, what lies in the dark, and what true goodness really is. We have forgotten what was really important, what made life worth living. There are too many laws, too many rules. They have refined their crappy system for centuries. They have an answer for everything, but people are still being killed, people are still poor, and things are still going wrong. To me the more that you suppress humanity, or a social class the more it has a tendency to explode. This world is a pressure cooker on the edge of collapse. The only thing you can do is smoke your cigarettes, and drink your beer and wait for it all to go down. Maybe I may have made some bad choices, but once you do something, you have to live with it your whole damn life. It forges you into something you didn't expect, and what it is wouldn't you like to know.
A dark entity's one desire is to be completed, and full. There is a biological need, or should I say a spiritual debt that one has to complete be for they owe no more to the world. There is a plan, I would like to think that, or a set of stars that guide us to safe haven and deliver us from what I call evil. Now, which brings me on the subject about “Vampires”? Is a vampire evil??? Since Vampires have been known to live off the blood, or the life force of other people, does that make them evil. But because it is in their nature, doesn't that mean there is some good in it all. But if it is in the nature of a man to kill, we consider that evil, and murderous. The modern day vampire may not kill anymore, for fear of the rope, or execution. There are trickier ways of claiming someone's soul, or life force, without putting themselves in a position of incarceration, or penalty: To take without taking, or notice of taking. When you take material possessions from someone that can be proven in a court of law, but when someone takes your soul, or your spirit, there is no law against that. The poor have been victimized by the rich for many years. Slavery still continues in many facets of corporate society, but it is accepted. The spirit and the soul is what keeps someone in a state of beauty and grace. When you take that away from someone, they are a hollow shell, and decline in health. Such is the rich man to take that away from the good common people. But then there are "True Vampires", who take from those who are evil. A vampire can be good if the host is perhaps evil. Vampires are the catalyst for which God does his work. They are the dark force, the wheel of karma that corrects the discrepancies of man and their evil doings. All a vampire needs to do is enter a social class, and let the evil doers do their work, and that is when darkness starts to rise.
True Modern vampires blend in to normal society hunting for those who are up to no good. They frequent public places watching and waiting for their next victim to arrive. Upon feeding on their victims they are restored temporarily with life giving positive energy. The feeding process takes as long as there is to take from an individual. It could take years, if the host is compliant, and is not aware of what is really happening to them. In the end they might feel depressed, lethargic, with no will to move on, and do things. They might feel a state of desperation upon realizing that the situation that they are in his doing them irreparable harm. Once a vampire has fed on their youth, and beauty, there is hardly a chance of coming back from the experience. Sometimes or in most occasions the host themselves become a vampire, if it has not destroyed their lives. They live in this sort of energy debt, that can't be filled until they find their own hosts to victimize. Victims of vampires are people who have usually put themselves at risk by leaving a flock, or a herd of friends that they are connected with. Once the host leaves their world of friends to perhaps make a better life for themselves, a vampire might arrive to greet them. You see, being alone, and unguarded makes you vulnerable to a vampire attack. Risking it all by making rash decisions to gain power, in the world makes you a target. Vampires lurk and wait for those individuals. But there are people out there who through no fault of their own are vulnerable, even if they are good, because of the lack of support they have in society. Loneliness might have begun at an early time of their lives. They waited to be seduced by a vampire. The life they had wasn't good enough, so the vampire came and gave them a new life to replace the pain and sorrow they have felt. This represents the making of a good vampire: Vampires who never had the choice, of just being good, or just accepted human beings. In most cases becoming a vampire can be a euphoric and ecstatic experience in the beginning. The wondrous beauty of imagination that new vampires feel can be exciting. But like everything in life if there are no situations to feed on, the vampire might experience dullness, and sort of drift through life feeling nearly dead by the circumstances. It really pays for a vampire to travel. Once an area has been claimed by a vampire, and once there is a realization that a vampire is in their midst, a vampire's cover has been blown. Moving is probably necessary. A vampire has always been given gifts of prophecy, talents, vocations, so they can make money, and be free to explore, and move around. If a vampire gets blacklisted in his community for what ever reason, one has to move on, or start to kill, and steal to make ends meet. Vampires are as vulnerable, as normal people if they are found out. Once people have gained a sense of what is wrong they can out a vampire, and render him harmless to those aware. But vampires must be clever for many reasons.
A real vampire can't give away who they are. They sometimes look like normal everyday people. But sometimes they are the worst kind. They live this normal reality posing as well adjusted decent people. The only thing is they take from the good, which is a tragedy. They use their evil ways to undermined good hard working people. This is the portrait of a bad vampire. It's not uncommon for vampires of this nature to be punished for doing the work of Satan. Me myself have run into such vampires, and realize nothing good can come of their lives. They steal, they cheat, and they spawn evil in their children.
There are certain rules a true vampire must operate under: Certain natural laws that a vampire must follow in order to be free from karmic laws: Modern day vampires can live in the sunlight, but it must be avoided because their pale skin is more susceptible to decay. It's not uncommon for a vampire to wear a hat with a brim to block out the sun's rays. Moonlight at night is comforting, and to live in the dark night is even better. The night time is a vampire's favorite time to congregate amongst mortals. Although due to the fact that some regions of the world shut down public business's late at night is somewhat of a travesty for some vampires. Living in a place like New York City, is favorable, since it's the city that never sleeps. Unfortunately some vampires do not have the means to climb up financially due to the social climate, and economy. Vampires like to express themselves in a dark manner, in ways such as Edgar Allen Poe. It's not a cliché. Vampires thrive on dark subjects, their imagination swims in darkness, but also in the beauty of darkness. Real true vampires are rare. There are humans that pose as vampires. But these vampires are mainly well adjusted humans who portray the cliché and the superficial qualities of vampires portrayed in old novels and movies. They aren't real, and have no knowledge of the true qualities a vampire has. It is well known that Goth Subculture emerged in the early eighties, I'm guessing, and spawned the trend, and popularized vampires. Many rock bands dressed up, and crafted their music to become popular. I believe that true vampires emerged during this period to thrive and be accepted in normal society. But that was short lived. In today's society there is a lack of acceptance of vampires, and it’s killing vampire life as we know it.
Because vampires have to be careful, and they are not fully accepted in today's society, coming out is not really a good idea for some. Vampires have another mechanism: Destruction. When they move into a social class, bad things start to happen mysteriously. People die, tragedies, business's close down, Loss of love, car crashes, disease, etc. Like a mouse spreading it's disease to the general public, I would imagine a plague would follow. But the vampire since he is a monster created by the foul deeds of man, are exempt from penalty. Because it wasn't the vampire's work so much, as it was man's work. The damage can never be traced back to the vampire. There is a dark force that surrounds the vampire. It can't be totally explained in words. But when someone crosses a vampire directly, there is always a counter reaction that even the vampire is not aware of. In a way the vampire is innocent of the karmic destruction the vampire inflicts on man. When you try to cause harm to a vampire the reaction is 100 times worse then inflicting it on a normal human being. So if you pick a victim and it happens to be a vampire, something bad will happen to you. Vampires have risen over time from the foul deeds of man. And as they take their blows they become stronger and more powerful. But vampires experience pain when experiencing a blow, and they have to recover like everyone else. But once they bounce back they are to be reckoned with.
Vampires move through society with the greatest of ease. There is no where they won’t go, without out risk. There are exceptions, which I will not say, but it is for the vampire to decide what is safe. Sometimes when a vampire frequents an establishment, he will fully work the room until everyone falls prey to his interactions. When there is no one left it is time to leave, and never come back. Vampires gain knowledge and energy from interacting with mortals. They also gain strength and experience. They tend not to make permanent connections with those people, for fear of being found out. There is a lot to risk, if one gets too close. Sometimes a vampire when realized will be outed from certain places they are not welcome. These places are easily ruled out after the vampire realizes who is not easy and willing. Vampires are very fast at what they do, they get what they want, and get the hell out of there. Sometimes a vampire might be caught in something not too good, but they have a sense when trouble is coming. They find people’s behaviors to be extremely predictable. If a vampire should get themselves into something that they can’t get out of, and they are harmed physically, recovery is swift, and the scars pretty much clear up.
Vampires may be dead on the inside, and still, but they are quick, and have endless amounts of negative energy. They practically fly around town, hitting multiple places to find victims every day and every night. There is a lot to know about the nature of vampires. But one would only know if they were a vampire…

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