Facebook Diaries #1 (03/24/2024) [Parental Abuse / Hypochondria / Reverse Racism / Spirituality / Femininity]

The only way a man can truly love a woman is to love the woman inside him, his feminine side... That's why patriarchal males are toxic and abuse their women... They call me gay because they're jealous I have the courage to embrace femininity as an essential part of humanity... Dylan said God is a woman... Some say women are superior to men because they create life... Yin can't exist without yang...

There's nothing more abusive than having a parent who is a hypochondriac... Because they're so focused on their own survival, they pollute themselves with pharmaceuticals, go to the doctors constantly, they're miserable...they impose their beliefs on you, and if they die, they think a light will go out in the world... And the whole world will mourn their death... What makes them sick is they're lack of love, laughter, and thriving... They have a black hole inside their soul... I'd rather them be an alcoholic...

Everytime my father hurt me I ran to the bar and cried to the bartenders... Everytime my dad hurt me my car broke down and he had to pay out... One time I was in the living room and he punched me in the arm for no reason... I said, "Why did you do that...???" He said, "Because you were too close." Then I said "I'm outta here." And I left... He went and opened the back storm door and the wind smashed it to smithereens... Cost him $300... Then the next time he hurt me he later fell off a ladder and hurt his shoulder... See how the spirits work!!!!

I started my spiritual journey in my mid twenties when I studied Buddhism, Taoism, Kundalini, even Hinduism... I had a liberal college education, and when I graduated I took on the verse "The Lord is Thy Shepherd, though shalt not want..." Which is parallel to Buddhist cessation of desire... And I sat on a comfy couch and life took me for a rollercoaster ride...

During a rough time I steered away from my prior influences and focused on Charles Bukowski... You think your life was shitty... His Dad was more abusive than mine... If you think your life was bad read his Bio, it'll bring you comfort knowing he became victorious...

There's nothing like a near death experience to liberate your soul... The only way to conquer death is to die then resurrect...

I don't regret getting hurt or taking risks to better my life or others, I don't regret falling in love with the wrong people, I don't regret smoking cigarettes, I don't regret drinking alcohol, I don't do drugs, I don't regret the sex I had... I don't regret leaving the church, I don't regret going to art school even though my dad wanted me to be a chemical engineer, I don't regret punching out my father, I don't regret telling people like it is even though they're jerking me around... I don't regret not going gay even though I love glam rock... I don't regret expressing my true opinions in a judgemental world.

During the pandemic my father tried to use the pandemic to psychologically torture me as the landlord plotted against me. I could have succumb but my faith kept me strong and aware... After all that was said and done I survived calamity once again & my Dad pushed the oatmeal away from himself at the table. I tried to forgive & make peace, but then he tried to finish me off. I survived again. He did not care the landlord was trying to do me in, after I expressed terror. I realized my family life was over before I decided to punch him out, so it didn't matter anyways, they dropped the charges.. Because I had a strong case against him

There's so much reverse racism nowadays... I live in Norristown and it's a ghetto because it's a low income section... I live in a better neighborhood surrounded by churches, but the landlord and the tenants treated me like garbage, a spoiled white boy... Which I wasn't... They knew nothing about my past... And didn't take the time to get to know my true self... I worked for everything I had and got a pittance from my family... I secured finances when I went to the University... Held menial work and hospitality... And became an accomplished artist musician... I didn't dress like a gentleman until the pandemic... They think I'm rich...

I was always a dreamer because I hated my life... So in school I looked out the window and drew while the teachers were talking... Every turn I took to better myself ended up in a dead end... When I tried to inspire people they hated on me... When I give emotional handouts I got nothing in return, when I loved a person they took it and ran... When I admired somebody and wanted a friend they played mind games... "What a Wonderful World"

One time I had some extra food stamps and brought some cakes and danish to my mom and Dad... My Dad then asked me "Do you want to go to church with us..." And I said "No"... Because I thought a 52 year old man would look retarded going single with his elderly parents... Plus I don't believe in organized religion even though I'm spiritual and study theology... So he goes in the garage and gets a baseball bat and acts all psycho... And kicks me out of his house... (Why go to church that ain't Christian...)

My sister called me spoiled, it's half true... On one side I suffer tremendously, on the other hand since I suffer I feel I deserved better... Which leads people to believe it's all about me... Try building relationships when people throw my offerings back in my face...

Well today I'm bored... I'm sick of the usual routines... That and I'm broke again... Being the outspoken a-hole I am doesn't pay the bills...

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                                                   (Extras)

Is it possible hair is actually alive, because when I'm in a sad gloomy mood my hair looks grey, but when I revert to a sunny mood it turn back to brown quickly... Is it possible hair color is controlled by our moods... Like a mood ring...

"The Christian Devil's (& the Children of Light) song I did on my new album clarifies the problem w/ Christian abuse, why children runaway, get institutionalized, get doped up and medicated, and turn to homosexuality... It solved a problem in my head after my Christian Landlord tried to murder me in my apartment, the disassociation of church, and my Catholic abusive father...