Facebook Diaries (4/17/2026) Drinking / Taking too much / Trust Issues

Morning Log:  Well two days ago I was in good spirits even though I was talking and writing about my past struggles... But yesterday and this morning my mental health suffered... Call it familiarity, call it the wine I drank... Call it getting to know someone to the point you know they took too much...from me..

I appreciate generosity and charity, but I always offer more than they give, and I always end up feeling raped, drained, or ripped off, especially when I feel imbalanced... Sometimes when people are charitable you look deep to see their true intentions behind the act...

When someone who worms their way into my life, I let them because I need to know their intentions are true... I might get hurt in the end but it allows me to rule out possibilities... People can be subtle in their ill intent, offering nuances of slights... Not making it obvious that they're I'll themselves... People can be a disease....

2 days before....

(4/14/2026)as sober for a while but I got a jug of chianti last night hanging out with my neighbor, a nice older lady... Very nice... I had a good time... Then enjoyed a little time after she left, having wine and loud music... But after I went to bed got up I sipped wine all night waiting for a phone call appointment... Now I feel a little weary... I shot my load...

Yeah, I don't enjoy drinking that much anymore... Mainly is because I'm not stressed out, I live a quiet private life... I'm a mature adult... And I'm living my teenage years in my head, because I feel I missed something I never had... And that was being appreciated for just being myself..

I was esteemed for my achievements in the past, but I some how feel those achievements brewed much contempt, and toxicity from people, probably because I had something to prove to myself and my parents... Well they're out of the picture now so it don't matter...

It's a shame youth is wasted on things and people that don't matter...