The Rumours are True, and Untrue(Crossdressing as an Art form, and a Sacred Spiritual form of Worship)

Yes, the rumours are true, when I'm at home drinking listening to music, I crossdress as a form of Sacred Spiritual Goddess Worship.... What isn't true is that I'm a homosexual.... If you came as a guest in my living space, and I offer you coffee, or drinks(if I had any), I'd be dressed in my normal street clothes, like a normal guy, but for a year I've been painting my nails on purpose... And I have wigs lying around, and cocktail dresses, and other women's garments... As if I try not to hide it.... Unashamed...

Benny, who works at the tattoo shop on West Marshall street, exclaimed or asked if I was wearing make up.... because my attempt at rubbing it off my face was shoddy, and he may have noticed, or someone told him that I had make up and women's wear in my apartment.... Well people talk... Not only that, Maria Elanis, an alcoholic, crazy person went around telling Latino men walking by on the sidewalk, panhandling for mucho dinero to fund her alcoholism that I was a homosexual or I was gay, which terrified me... Especially since there was a general homophobia going around during the toxicity of the pandemic social climate.... Yes I was terrified, but also it liberated me as well, freeing me from fear.... She unlocked my deepest fears, outing me as a homosexual... I told Benny that if people are going to be calling me Gay for three decades, what does it matter if I wore dresses, or make up, because the damage was already done...

During the pandemic, I was totally isolated, and my father was losing his grip on me... I was starting to take control of my life... I was on Facebook, posting pictures of tattooed women, and buying clothes on foreign websites resembling these cosplayers, gothic women, and models, most of them with voluptuous beautiful bodies.... I'm an artist so I appreciate the feminine form... The human body, how beautiful... I do admit women inspire me, always have.... 

On the subject of my sense of spirituality, I was raised a Catholic, I loved the vibes of Christmas, but thought the Crucifixion was barbaric... I wasn't a fan of the Jesus story, and people rarely talked about his resurrection... But it wasn't until later in life did I see Jesus' story as more of a spiritual metaphor for every man's journey in life... just on a spiritual level... My infatuation with Grigori Rasputin led me to adopt my appreciation for the Virgin Mary, and Nick Cave for his preoccupation for our Lady of Sorrows...

When I was in Catholic school the story of the Book of Job stuck out to me because I was a good kid, but misfortune, and social strife always came my way as if I was being punished for something I was unaware of... I never really knew the reason... My innocence kept me standing, and when I was knocked down I got up and smiled..., 

"The Last Temptation of Christ", by Scorsese, also had an impact on the way I saw Jesus'... It made him look human, weak, frail..